Apologize
by BregoArodShadowfax
Summary: I've done the unthinkable: it's a gasp songfic to the song Apologize by One Republic. Angsty look at certain barricade events focussing on a certain leader by three different people. Cookies for those who guess who the narrators are! R&R.


**At one point I probably swore I would never write one of these, and I probably shouldn't, but…it's a songfic. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Mainly because the song was too perfect **_**not **_**to write on, and if I could draw an entire music video to the song instead of writing a story, I would, but I have neither the time, the supplies or the talent. So you're stuck with my attempts to write an angsty story. Which I believe I have actually done. It doesn't really end all that happily, which is rare for me, but the song doesn't really allow it to. **

**Speaking of which, the song is "Apologize" by One Republic…incredible song, go listen to it if you've never heard it. Um…this story is from three different POV's, but it's all about the same person, more or less. Cookies to anyone who can guess whose POV the different parts are in; the second one was **_**really **_**vague, so I tried to put in hints…and for those of you who know my work, you **_**know **_**I'm a huge fan of Enjolras, but I wanted to give a different take on him. A very canonical take, since I'm also a fan of AU, it seems. This is canon, or as close as I could make it. **

**And once again, I've succeeded in a Long Author's Note. So, on to the story…**

**Disclaimer: Neither Les Miserables nor the song "Apologize" belong to me. **

**Apologize**

_**I'm holdin' on your rope; got me ten feet off the ground. **_

Two days ago, I wouldn't have believed it of you. A day ago, I wouldn't have believed it of you. In all honesty, an _hour _ago I wouldn't have believed it of you. But, needless to say, that scant hour has changed my mind completely. I now believe it of you. And I wonder if I ever knew you to begin with.

_**I'm hearin' what you say, but I just can't make a sound. **_

It's like you weren't even listening to me. _Me, _whom you know has never steered you wrong. _Me, _who wouldn't dare tell you anything I didn't believe wasn't true for myself. And it was like you knew I was speaking, but didn't deign to pay attention to anything that came out of my mouth. I thought I was getting through to you; thought that the fact your eyes had tears in them meant that you felt some remorse, but after the fact you were as cold and unflinching as ever. You pulled that trigger without even a hesitation.

_**You tell me that you need me, then you go and cut me down. But wait…**_

I'm the second. I've always been the second, one of your lieutenants, albeit to you the most important one. So you had always told me. But today was different. Today I saw a side of you I had hoped never to see, and it scared me. You have never ignored my advice. And now that you did, it was like something between us was shattered; some invisible bond of trust that we had always shared was cut down in an instant, and I don't see any evidence that it could come back…that it could ever be the same as it was.

_**You tell me that you're sorry; didn't think I'd turn around and say…**_

And that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was the look you gave me afterward, the look that clearly stated that you _expected _me to forgive you, when the words "I'm sorry" that came so coldly out of your mouth were left hanging in the air between us. How could you expect that of me? When you, of all people, should know that I have never held any faith in this revolution; that I only came because I want to make a difference. If I had my choice, it would not be through violence, but I came out of a deep loyalty and brotherhood with you. But this was something that I hoped I'd never see; the same basic level of violence and recklessness that you claim so fervently to oppose, yet how this was any different than what the other side is doing is a mystery to me. And yet, you looked hurt when I didn't say the words you expected to hear.

_**It's too late to apologize; it's too late. I said, it's too late to apologize. It's too late. **_

So I didn't apologize. I gave you a look that I hope conveyed everything I was feeling, and I left you standing there, the gun still in your hand, the mark the tear left still visible on your cheek. But I couldn't bring myself to do it; because it would be a lie. And that would make me no better than you.

000

_**I'd take another chance; take a fall; take a shot for you. **_

If I had to. After all, we're loyal, aren't we? Isn't that the reason we all came here…to fight for a Republic? And you're the leader, aren't you? You're the one that we should all follow; that we should all trust. So why am I finding it so hard? Why is it that the fact you've condemned another man; a friend; to death even when there might not have been a choice so hard for me to accept? Maybe I'm weak. I'd die for you; we all would; but I just can't accept what happened.

_**I need you like a heart needs a beat, but it's nothin' new. **_

We never would have made it this far without you; you've been the rope that's held us all together even when some of us would break away and forge our own paths. We've all come back for one reason or another, but always in some way because of you. I guess we all needed you, in our own way. But somehow I think that whatever trust I had placed in you is gone…maybe for as long as we're going to stay alive. Because he's dead. He's dead, and I never got to say goodbye. I never got to tell him anything.

_**I loved you with a fire red, now it's turnin' blue. **_

It wasn't your fault, I suppose. But someone should have been looking out for him. You roped him into this mess; him! With his innocent ideals and dreams of flowers and love and clouds, and turned it into nightmares of cannon-smoke and bullets and blood. He never had a chance; he didn't know what he was getting himself into. I guess it was up to you to tell him, and you didn't. And now he's gone.

_**You said, "Sorry," like the angel Heaven let me think was you, but I'm afraid…**_

You never knew what he meant to me; what he meant to all of us. He was what we all once were; the proof that innocence could still exist in a world like this. You look like an angel, but you've never claimed to be one. I guess I should have known better than to see you as one; you're only human, after all. Telling us that we don't have to stay, and then giving us a look like we're betraying our very country by _not _fighting. Maybe I'm not the weak one after all. And then you saw the way I looked at you, and you said "Sorry." As if it could fix anything.

_**It's too late to apologize; it's too late. I said, it's too late to apologize. It's too late. **_

He's dead. It doesn't matter. You can say "sorry" all you want, and it won't bring him back. It won't bring anyone back; and we all know he's not the only one who died. Even if the others had believed in our cause, what had it gotten them? Faith in a false idol who led them to their deaths. For someone like me, I have no family to mourn me, but that doesn't mean that others don't. But you don't care, you do? You don't care for anything but your honor and your _Patria. _

000

_**It's too late to apologize; it's too late. I said, it's too late to apologize. It's too late. **_

I never expected to live. I came to die; the only person I loved was gone, so I thought…what reason did I have to go on? Somehow, my time hadn't come. And so here I am, tracing the words on your gravestone with one hand, propping myself up on the cane I still can't walk without on the other. I saw the tension that night; saw the looks the others gave you. They all held you at fault, you thought, but they didn't leave. No matter how much they felt you led them to their deaths, they would never leave. They were loyal to the end.

_**It's too late to apologize, yeah. I said, it's too late to apologize, yeah. **_

I never apologized to you, either. And now you're gone…memories will always haunt my every waking hour, but that won't bring you back…any of you. If anyone was to blame for anything, it would have been me. I said I was loyal, and when love struck me unexpectedly, I was willing to abandon you for her. It was only when she was gone from me that I realized that I was the one at fault. And I'm still at fault; yet I am the one who has lived on. All of you had other opportunities, other things to live for, and yet I was the one who has gotten to realize my dreams. So I have to live all of yours out as well. They called you a god, an angel…maybe you were nothing more than a man, but you were one of the best men I knew. And I guess it's too late to say "I'm sorry," but it needs to be said. To all of you.

_**I'm holdin' on your rope; got me ten feet off the ground. **_

**Fin**

**So there it is, my first really non-happy-ending story. But of course, it's canon. It couldn't really be any other way. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this, and feel free to drop me a review. I'm taking my first college finals EVER next week, and I need all the good vibes I can get:)**

**And for anyone who's noticed, there is practically NO DIALOGUE, save for like two or three words. Since dialogue is what I'm mostly strong for, I was trying to write something completely different to see how it turned out, and I'm actually rather proud of it. **

_**Adieu, **__**mes amis! **_


End file.
